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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Tend
Inspirational
Everything
Nothing
Hard
Something
Drop
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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Festivus for the Restivus!
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
Jerry Seinfeld
