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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Virtually
Twitter
Everyone
Nothing
Good
People

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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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