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Success is the enemy of comedy.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Enemy
Success
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am speechless: I have no speech
Jerry Seinfeld
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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