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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Remarks
Strangers
Sarcastic
Stranger
Gonna
Movie
Make
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
Jerry Seinfeld
I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
