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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Sarcastic
Stranger
Gonna
Movie
Make
Remarks
Strangers
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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Festivus for the Restivus!
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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