Quote

We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Goes
Whether
Surf
Doesn
Island
Light
Islands
Matter
Swim
Trying
Red
Cameras
Matters

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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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