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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Advice
Failure
Balance
Head
Success
Keep
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why would anybody want a friend?
Jerry Seinfeld
People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Jerry Seinfeld
You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
Jerry Seinfeld
I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry Seinfeld
The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
Jerry Seinfeld
That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. I was here dammit! Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone's concerned this whole thing never happened.
Jerry Seinfeld
I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
Jerry Seinfeld
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld
