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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Dirty
Biggest
Maybe
Problem
Laundry
Shirt
Shirts
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
Jerry Seinfeld
