Quote

You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Time
Cause
Quarters
Crazy
Pockets
Causes
Dogs
Looking
Driving
Funny
Street
Money
Dog
Change
Walking
Always
Streets
Quarter

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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
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A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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