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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Time
Guy
Dog
Thinking
Funny
Door
Home
Friendship
Back
Doors
Examine
Come
Walk
Kills
Every
Joy
Accomplished
Mind
Walks
Thinks
Believe
Almost
Amazing

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Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
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The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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