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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Back
Doors
Examine
Come
Walk
Kills
Every
Joy
Accomplished
Mind
Walks
Thinks
Believe
Almost
Amazing
Time
Guy
Dog
Thinking
Funny
Door
Home
Friendship

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld