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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Thinking
Funny
Door
Home
Friendship
Back
Doors
Examine
Come
Walk
Kills
Every
Joy
Accomplished
Mind
Walks
Thinks
Believe
Almost
Amazing
Time
Guy
Dog
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
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Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Men want to make women happy.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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