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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Date
Wine
Love
Shower
Showers
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
Jerry Seinfeld
When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
Jerry Seinfeld
When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
Jerry Seinfeld
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
Jerry Seinfeld
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
Jerry Seinfeld
I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
Jerry Seinfeld
The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Jerry Seinfeld
Why would anybody want a friend?
Jerry Seinfeld
