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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Dates
Shouldn
Allowed
Public
Even
People
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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Success is the enemy of comedy.
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Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.
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