Quote

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Straight
Hell
Find
Eclairs
Think
Receptacle
Thinking
Gymnast
Trash
Kitchen

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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Success is the enemy of comedy.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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