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So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Hell
Find
Think
Eclairs
Thinking
Receptacle
Gymnast
Trash
Kitchen
Straight
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
