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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Compared
Smart
Wise
Easy
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry Seinfeld
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
Jerry Seinfeld
