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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Meaningless
Dinner
Heavy
Hour
Sex
Hours
Understand
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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