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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Wells
Watching
Well
Taste
Goodbye
Never
Hold
Cook
Show
Cooks
Funny
Camera
Understand
Thanks
Shows
Cameras
Ends
Smell

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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Economy is essential to all good art.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
Jerry Seinfeld
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
Jerry Seinfeld