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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Well
Taste
Goodbye
Never
Hold
Cook
Show
Cooks
Funny
Camera
Understand
Thanks
Shows
Cameras
Ends
Smell
Wells
Watching
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
