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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Beats
Funny
Jobs
Nothing
Work
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
Jerry Seinfeld
Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
Jerry Seinfeld
Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
Jerry Seinfeld
To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
Jerry Seinfeld
If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
Jerry Seinfeld
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
Jerry Seinfeld
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Jerry Seinfeld
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
Jerry Seinfeld
A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
Jerry Seinfeld
The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Jerry Seinfeld
