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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Always
Witty
Whenever
Responsible
Wants
Happens
Something

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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
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To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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