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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Witty
Whenever
Responsible
Wants
Happens
Something
Always

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
Jerry Seinfeld
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If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
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Men want to make women happy.
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Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
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