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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Witty
Whenever
Responsible
Wants
Happens
Something
Always
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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Men want to make women happy.
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