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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Something
Always
Witty
Whenever
Responsible
Wants
Happens

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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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Men want to make women happy.
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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