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Why would anybody want a friend?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Anybody
Friend
Would
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Jerry Seinfeld
On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Jerry Seinfeld
Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
Jerry Seinfeld
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
Jerry Seinfeld
The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
Jerry Seinfeld
If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
Jerry Seinfeld
