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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Coffee
Somehow
Gets
Done
Something
Make
Love

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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.
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Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
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Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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