Quote

We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Great
Problems
Solves
Good
Sleep
Depressed
Stuff
Delightful
Night
Cups
Didn
Coffee
Problem
Shape
Littles
Solve
Little
Shapes

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
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Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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