Quote

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Education
Comedian
People
Effect
Intelligence
Effects
Humor
Comedy
Illiterate
Full
Alphabet
Wonder
Soup

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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
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