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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Unfortunate
Consider
Position
Feelings
People
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
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Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
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Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
