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Festivus for the Restivus!
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
Jerry Seinfeld
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
Jerry Seinfeld
When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
Jerry Seinfeld
Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
Jerry Seinfeld
Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
Jerry Seinfeld
Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.
Jerry Seinfeld
I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
Jerry Seinfeld
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am speechless: I have no speech
Jerry Seinfeld
Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
Jerry Seinfeld
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Jerry Seinfeld