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Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Dating
Faces
Interviews
Jobs
Naked
Night
Difference
Ends
Differences
Many
Face
Chance
Interview
Date
Lasts
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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