Quote

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Lasts
Date
Faces
Dating
Jobs
Interviews
Night
Naked
Ends
Difference
Many
Differences
Face
Chance
Interview

More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
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Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Jerry Seinfeld
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Jerry Seinfeld
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Jerry Seinfeld
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What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
Jerry Seinfeld