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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Society
Sending
Give
Compete
Wells
Miserable
Might
Message
Well
Messages
Giving
Telling
World
Normal
Comfortable
Sweatpants
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
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Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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