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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Might
Message
Well
Messages
Giving
Telling
World
Normal
Comfortable
Sweatpants
Society
Sending
Give
Compete
Wells
Miserable
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
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The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.
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Men want to make women happy.
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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