Quote

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Giving
Telling
World
Normal
Comfortable
Sweatpants
Society
Sending
Give
Compete
Wells
Miserable
Might
Message
Well
Messages

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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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