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What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
Root
Understand
Hot
Inspirational
Bodies
Stills
Scared
Women
Roots
Rip
Still
Motivational
Pour
Body
Hair
Spiders
Every
Single
Dry
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.
Jerry Seinfeld
The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
