Quote

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
Root
Understand
Hot
Inspirational
Bodies
Stills
Scared
Women
Roots
Rip
Still
Motivational
Pour
Body
Hair
Spiders
Every
Single
Dry

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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
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Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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I love advertising because I love lying.
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You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
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You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
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Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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I am speechless: I have no speech
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