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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Really
Stern
Howard
Bother
Impression
Doesn
Wells
Well
Years

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Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head. I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
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Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
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