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The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Kind
Really
Terrifying
Always
Comedian
Personality
Didn
Truth
Wanted
Thing
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
Jerry Seinfeld
I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
Jerry Seinfeld
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
Jerry Seinfeld
Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
Jerry Seinfeld
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Jerry Seinfeld
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
Jerry Seinfeld
I love being a dad. I just love it.
Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Jerry Seinfeld
Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
Jerry Seinfeld
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
Jerry Seinfeld
I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
Jerry Seinfeld
