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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Comedians
Comedian
Fun
Greatest
Knowing
Talk
Thing
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
Jerry Seinfeld
I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'
Jerry Seinfeld
The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am speechless: I have no speech
Jerry Seinfeld
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
Jerry Seinfeld
They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry Seinfeld
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
Jerry Seinfeld
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
Jerry Seinfeld
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
Jerry Seinfeld
I love being a dad. I just love it.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
