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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Like
Levels
People
Fun
Comedy
Strangers
Four
Stranger
Talk
Laughter
Friends
Laugh
Much
Paid
Make
Laughing
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
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Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
Jerry Seinfeld
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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