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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Make
Laughing
Like
Levels
People
Fun
Comedy
Strangers
Four
Stranger
Talk
Laughter
Friends
Laugh
Much
Paid
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later it's a relic.
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
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Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.
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Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
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Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?
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Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going Quit it.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
Jerry Seinfeld
