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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Specials
Menu
Menus
Ems
Hear
Special
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
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The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
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A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
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There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
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I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
Jerry Seinfeld
You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry Seinfeld
