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Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Humorous
Comedy
Funny
Else
Care
Men
Witty
Comedian
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
Jerry Seinfeld
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
Jerry Seinfeld
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
Jerry Seinfeld
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
Jerry Seinfeld
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
Jerry Seinfeld
You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. There's a quarter....
Jerry Seinfeld
Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
Jerry Seinfeld
The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
Jerry Seinfeld
Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
Jerry Seinfeld
On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
Jerry Seinfeld
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
Jerry Seinfeld
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
Jerry Seinfeld
