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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
Humorous
Happens
Newspapers
Every
Fit
Always
Amazing
World
Exactly
Fits
News
Newspaper
Amount
Witty
Media
Journalism
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
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People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
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I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
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We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
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After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.
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If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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Why would anybody want a friend?
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
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Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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