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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
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Candle
Cake
Birthday
Blow
Getting
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
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Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.
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Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
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I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
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I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
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I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.
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The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
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I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
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It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!
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