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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Jerry Seinfeld
Age: 70
Born: 1954
Born: April 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Humorist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jerome Allen Seinfeld
Cable Boy
Mr. Steinfeld
Jerome Allen Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
Blenders
Two
Parenthood
Children
Parenting
Kind
Witty
Years
Humorous
Like
Laughter
Boys
Year
Blender
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I love advertising because I love lying.
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I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.
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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
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I love being a dad. I just love it.
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Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?
Jerry Seinfeld
What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
Jerry Seinfeld
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
Jerry Seinfeld
I am speechless: I have no speech
Jerry Seinfeld
You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry Seinfeld
