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The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'

Jerry Lewis

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Jerry Lewis
Age: 91 †
Born: 1926
Born: March 16
Died: 2017
Died: August 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Newark
New Jersey
Joseph Levitch
The King of Comedy
Give
Dollar
Giving
Bill
Lays
Bills
Dollars
Personality
Told
Dual
Guy
Bucks

More quotes by Jerry Lewis

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Don't you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at this show-off? Milton Berle could take Laurence Olivier and stick him under the table if he wanted to. And so could I.
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When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.
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Adrenaline is wonderful. It covers pain. It covers dementia. It covers everything.
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I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.
Jerry Lewis
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
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It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.
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If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.
Jerry Lewis
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This is the pain pacemaker. I've got a battery under my skin. From that battery are two electrodes that go into the spine where they cut bone away to accommodate it. Now I put on the power here. If I have the pain, the stimulator starts. It's tingling, like when your foot falls asleep, you know?
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When I hit around 65, 66, I started to feel tremendous worth and incredible personal esteem. I was becoming very cognisant of my contribution to the American spirit of helping your fellow man and all of the good stuff.
Jerry Lewis
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I've had the greatest respect for my work in this country by Americans. Critics have no brains.
Jerry Lewis
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If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans.
Jerry Lewis
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I've had great success being a total idiot.
Jerry Lewis
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I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.
Jerry Lewis
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Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis
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A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
Jerry Lewis
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For those who understand, no explaination is needed...For those who don't, none will do.
Jerry Lewis
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The young man who's had the Guggenheim fortune behind him all his life - he can hire all the authorities on the subject to teach him how to do a monologue, but he's never going to have the right stuff to pull it off. If he doesn't walk out onstage needing to walk out there, he doesn't have a dream of doing well.
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I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.
Jerry Lewis
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I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there's something about them that I love, but I just can't put my finger on it.
Jerry Lewis
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When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.
Jerry Lewis