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The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'

Jerry Lewis

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Jerry Lewis
Age: 91 †
Born: 1926
Born: March 16
Died: 2017
Died: August 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Newark
New Jersey
Joseph Levitch
The King of Comedy
Lays
Bills
Dollars
Personality
Told
Dual
Guy
Bucks
Give
Dollar
Giving
Bill

More quotes by Jerry Lewis

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If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans.
Jerry Lewis
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I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.
Jerry Lewis
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Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.
Jerry Lewis
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When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.
Jerry Lewis
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I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there's something about them that I love, but I just can't put my finger on it.
Jerry Lewis
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Comedy is a man in trouble. And without it, there's no humor.
Jerry Lewis
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A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
Jerry Lewis
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I've had the greatest respect for my work in this country by Americans. Critics have no brains.
Jerry Lewis
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For those who understand, no explaination is needed...For those who don't, none will do.
Jerry Lewis
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I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.
Jerry Lewis
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People think I'm against critics because they are negative to my work. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is they didn't see the work. I have seen critics print stuff about stuff I cut out of the film before we ran it. So don't tell me about critics.
Jerry Lewis
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I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.
Jerry Lewis
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It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.
Jerry Lewis
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Adrenaline is wonderful. It covers pain. It covers dementia. It covers everything.
Jerry Lewis
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When I hit around 65, 66, I started to feel tremendous worth and incredible personal esteem. I was becoming very cognisant of my contribution to the American spirit of helping your fellow man and all of the good stuff.
Jerry Lewis
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If I've learned anything in the more than 50 years that I've led MDA, it's that the generosity of the American people knows no bounds. I'm sure that with their fellow citizens in such dire need, they'll dig deep and do everything they can to help. I'm hopeful that many people will be willing to make two phone calls and donate to both causes.
Jerry Lewis
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A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't people have an affection for me and what I've done? Didn't I have to be genuine for them to buy into what I did? There are children who grow up today who will not have that when they're 55 years old. With whom will they have it? Name an example for me.
Jerry Lewis
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If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.
Jerry Lewis
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
Jerry Lewis
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When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.
Jerry Lewis