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What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow.

Jerome K. Jerome

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Jerome K. Jerome
Age: 67 †
Born: 1859
Born: August 25
Died: 1927
Died: June 16
Actor
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Writer
Walsall
West Midlands
Jerome Klapka Jerome
Jerome Klapta Jerome
Asks
Instruct
Reading
Elevate
Funny
Nowadays
Book
Cows
Readers
Improve
Reader
Wouldn

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Nature, always inartistic, takes pleasure in creating the impossible.
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I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.
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I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.
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There may be a better land where bicycle saddles are made of rainbow, stuffed with cloud in this world the simplest thing is to get used to something hard.
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Love is woman's business,and in business we all lay aside our natural weaknesses.
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People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
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Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.
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I want a house that has got over all its troubles I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house.
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A glass of wine often makes me a better man than hearing a sermon.
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There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one.
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It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form.
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Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink for thirst is a dangerous thing.
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They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
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In the church is a memorial to Mrs. Sarah Hill, who bequeathed 1 pound annually, to be divided at Easter, between two boys and two girls who have never been undutiful to their parents who have never been known to swear or to tell untruths, to steal, or to break windows. Fancy giving up all that for five shillings a year! It is not worth it!
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Weather in towns is like a skylark in a counting-house-out of place and in the way.
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The advantage of literature over life is that its characters are clearly defined, and act consistently.
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I like cats.... When I meet a cat, I say, Poor Pussy! and stoop down and tickle the side of its head and the cat sticks up its tail in a rigid, cast-iron manner, arches its back, and wipes its nose up against my trousers and all is gentleness and peace.
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Angels may be very excellent sort of folk in their way, but we, poor mortals, in our present state, would probably find them precious slow company.
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Cassivelaunus had prepared the river for Caesar, by planting it full of stakes (and had, no doubt, put up a notice-board).
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Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.
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