Quote

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Every
Fell
Would
Slow
Time
Six
Replay
Football
Official
Week
Match
Call
Motion
Lasts
Officials
Last
Weeks

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Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.
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There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.
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Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
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God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.
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.. international hand of freindship. A cigarette
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Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?
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You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the Internet. It's pointless.
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It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.
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You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.
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I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.
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You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
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When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It's not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I've never changed it. It's a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.
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We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.
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Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.
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Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?
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Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.
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I'd just find a story in Canada and come and do it. Combine harvester banger - actually I've done that: banger racing up in Red Deer [in Alberta, for his 1998 doc series Extreme Machines].
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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
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