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If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Lasts
Officials
Last
Weeks
Every
Fell
Would
Slow
Time
Six
Replay
Football
Official
Week
Match
Call
Motion

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Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?
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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
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I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.
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We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.
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Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?
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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.
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I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'
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I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
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Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.
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Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less.
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...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
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Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.
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The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
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Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.
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Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth
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Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
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Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
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They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.
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